Someone

I called my mum and dad this evening. My mum seems to think I’m destined to have a stroke any time soon. It seems this is her new thing. A while back any ache or pain and it was naturally the start of Cancer or down to the fact that you may have smoked. Now she applies the same to strokes it seems.

For example:

stegzy – Yes I had this weird twinge in my jaw that lasted three days.
Mum – It’s probably the start of a stroke

stegzy – I have this peculiar runny nose
Mum – Stroke

stegzy – I’ve been staying up dead late recently and I’m dead tired all day
Mum – Oh might be a stroke.

Advertisements
  • There really is nothing that is as satisfying as a really good poo.
  • It amazes me that some people do not know the correct way to pass scissors.
  • I am baffled by the concept of headphone discos.
  • People who are in a rush should wear a sign on their head saying "I AM IN A RUSH" rather than snap at people who are just trying to do their job.
  • Like wise, people who are in a bad mood should be legally obliged to state that they are in a bad mood. Anyone dealing with the person in a bad mood should be legally obliged to refuse to deal with the moody bastards until they have calmed down or be able to pass them on to a specially trained moody bastard customer service person who will take it up the arse from the moody bastards without contracting moody bastarditus themselves.
  • Lately I can’t stop weeing (as in I have to go to the toilet every 30 minutes). I hope it isn’t prostate problems……..

Student How do I photocopy?
Stegzy Well you need to buy a photocopy card they come in two sizes; 80 pence and £2.
Student Can I have an 80 pence one please?
Stegzy Sure
Student How much are they?
stegzy er….80p.

Lard

So the problem with this time of year is the availability of all the sweet shite that the shops seem want to thrust in our faces. So far this week I’ve eaten more crisps, sweets and chocolate than I did last month. Worse still, the availability of yummy fruits such as satsumas, juicy juicy oranges and nuts means that I have been gorging myself on them too. If the current trend continues not only will I be lardier than Tubzy but I’ll probably have to take part in some sort of weight reducing regieme. Fortunately my trousers still fit for now but the true test will be when I don my smart shirt on Monday. If my collar doesn’t fasten it will indicate I’ve put weight on far more accurately than the bathroom scales. Of course the current trend will continue as the corporate greed machine rumbles ever closer to the compulsary high street Retail industry sponsored traditionally motivated avarice Season and more and more yumminess is thrust under my nose. I must resist. I must. Humbug anyone?

Nachos

So yesterday. Making 6 pints last 8 hours is really good going though I suppose having a KFC Variety meal for lunch AND a bowl of nachos for tea helped. Smoked far too much though.

What delights await this weekend? Well apart from work today and Monday, an emergency lecture on Monday and, more than likely the wife going off to the sister-in-laws for a few hours, I have the joys of a 3 year old’s birthday party and all the “fun” that brings.

I have also discovered a nice way of enjoying my home. I do this by sitting in the garden with a cup of tea looking at the horsies in the field behind the “lane with no name which might of had a name once which could possibly be mentioned on some ancient deeds or something but access road doesn’t have the ease of typing as the lane with no name” of course the horsies in the field behind the field behind the “lane with no name which might of had a name once which could possibly be mentioned on some ancient deeds or something but access road doesn’t have the ease of typing as the lane with no name”, not having been around as much lately, kind of make the field behind the field behind the “lane with no name which might of had a name once which could possibly be mentioned on some ancient deeds or something but access road doesn’t have the ease of typing as the lane with no name” kind of empty. I must get round to taking pictures of the view from the cliffs behind the houses behind the field behind the field behind “the lane with no name which might of had a name once which could possibly be mentioned on some ancient deeds or something but access road doesn’t have the ease of typing as the lane with no name” . However I fear for my life when I wander up that part of Brierley. The banjo music is definitely stronger there.

I also suppose I also should do a bit about the field behind the bus stop across the road from the housing estate that backs onto the field behind the “lane with no name which might of had a name once which could possibly be mentioned on some ancient deeds or something but access road doesn’t have the ease of typing as the lane with no name”.